He Was Her World – But His Wife Wouldn’t Stop Having Babies. Here’s What He Did. (Spoiler – It Back-fired)

We previously told the story

Of the raku pottery vase – ‘Gaia’s Revenge‘ – and a time before the gods, when Gaia had to teach her husband a lesson, which you can read here. But every story has two sides. And today, we hear from the guy god behind the Gaia,

Uranus.

Tears of Uranus tells the tale of young love, fertility rites gone wrong, a celestial nursery built on chaos, an old God who gave it all up for revenge and proof positive that the first cut was indeed the deepest.

Uranus used to love
the feel of Gaia’s cool porcelain

-like skin when she’d whisper softly in his ear. It’d always kind of given him a little jolt, and if truth be told he rather liked it. But it was always the same thing. Ace of Base said it better than Uranus could in their sophomoric social commentary doubling as a song. The kind of catchy tune radio stations would over play much to the frustration of all.

Uranus had actually remembered their early courtship with much fondness. In the early days when they were busy creating The Titans together, he looked forward to her nightly visits. As many a new father, he was reluctant. His duties of father of the sky and heavens kept him rather distant which also complicated matters. But those Titans were healthy looking children and he did not mind so much looking after them.

But things were about to get changed like a roll of toilet paper

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Uranus was literally the sky and heavens and was responsible for regulating all the cosmos.

Though Chaos was hiding in that too. When Gaia had arrived for her nightly visit, she was interrupting a beautiful meteor shower he was putting on. She still excited him, but it was time. He had to tell her tonight that he had enough with their twelve Titan children. Could they put a hold on making more little Titans? Could he just focus on his career for awhile?

Gaia was able to decidedly answer him yes! She explained that chaos told her it was bad luck to have thirteen of something. Uranus felt good to know he would have no more children. He was understandably tired after his twelfth, and he also knew there was no way he could resist Gaia. Relationship counselling averted. Which was good, because the only other being they had to go to for help was Chaos, and that would not have ended well.

But you see Gaia had a little secret. She liked to create, and my she was prolific. While it was true that they would have no more Titan children, she was bored of those kind anyways, what she failed to mention was they may have other types of offspring. The kind of offspring that had one hundred arms and fifty heads. And if that were not enough,there were not one but three of them. Then came the Cyclops!

It was nice his offspring had cool names . .

but the practicality of childcare and all the irregular requirements of their household soon overwhelmed Uranus. He tried to talk to Gaia about all the gloves and hats needed for their children, and one of the Cyclops needed glasses. Can a Cyclops wear a monocle?

Unfortunately Gaia was less than responsive to his pleas.

She was out busy creating new accessories for herself, like oceans, and trees and such things. Maybe she was a little caught up with her latest creation at the time, mushrooms, but you didn’t hear that from me.

Uranus had enough.

He decided to return all of the children to Gaia. His sky palace just wasn’t big enough, and between changing cosmic diapers and meeting the special needs of his children, he was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. He had grown to dislike his own children so he sent them back to where they came from – Gaia!

A bunch of giants and cyclops wandering around in what some called Tartarus, but Gaia considered her womb, was painful. She no longer had the time to create and she became angry with her husband. She figured he was just being insecure and felt his power was being threatened. He felt he had no power, that he was a mere shadow of his self, and he was intractable about removing the children from Gaia again, because it meant he would have to care for all of these children, for what might be an eternity. No thanks.

Gaia wasn’t going to tolerate the situation for long. She fashioned a sickle and bribed their son Cronus with Uranus’ power to castrate him. With a slice of the sickle Uranus’ testicles and blood hit the Earth many more children would emerge from his final fertile act. Was their no mercy for poor Uranus?

Indeed not. For it is then that Gaia started her smear campaign against Uranus making him the butt of all jokes. She may have been stuck with all the children, but in the end he got stuck with the crappy end of things.

And for clarity sake, this vase’s name Tears of Uranus
refers to the salty water that comes out of one’s eye.

Not something else.


And if you want to win a free raku pottery vase of your own

click here to find out how

4 Comments

    1. There must be SOME people who liked Ace of Base played every 15 minutes! Unfortunately, I was just not one of them. Poor Uranus indeed!

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